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corn

  • fattie20xl:argh
  • fattie20xl:i don't remember eating corn...
  • Cananopie:hahaha
  • Cananopie:stop there
  • fattie20xl:why?
  • fattie20xl:is it hammer time?
  • Cananopie:because I know where this is going
  • fattie20xl:we all know where it's going.
  • fattie20xl:into the sewar.
  • Cananopie:exactly
  • fattie20xl:and that's where it belongs.
  • fattie20xl:not in jars in your basement.
  • fattie20xl:but still... where'd the corn come from?
  • Cananopie:I shoved it up there when you were asleep to confuse you
  • fattie20xl:damnit!
  • fattie20xl:now i've gotta use tricks like ducktaping my underwears to my ass.
  • Cananopie:that just might end up being more painful
  • fattie20xl:doh!
“

When is the only time you can spit in a Persian womans face?

When her mustache is on fire!

— kim kardashian
“

do u ever wonder how u will die?

there is no way i will not end up being murdered

no

way

— Champion Awkward

… mine would be 32…

my penis

my penis

“ The main difference between the blues and emo is that old-timey negros had something to complain about that was more substantial than some honky whining about how his mascara is too expensive or that some fucktard was making fun of him for wearing girl’s knee-length socks over his arms for gloves. ‘OooOOh my feeeeeEEElings’ … go fuck yourself….
— me, explaining why i erased all the “belle and sebastian” off this girl’s iTunes when i was fixing her computer.

Cilantro

  • fattie20xl:you don't like cilantro?
  • Ayish:no
  • Ayish:I hate it
  • Ayish:I spit it out
  • fattie20xl:why?
  • fattie20xl:it's good in mexican food...
  • Ayish:no
  • Ayish:ruins it
  • fattie20xl:but... it's really yummy.
  • fattie20xl:like... like parsely only more ethnic.
  • Ayish:no
  • Ayish:it's really quite horrible
  • Ayish:I like Parsley, though
  • fattie20xl:that's wierd.
  • Ayish:hey, are you messing with me?
  • fattie20xl:why would i do that?
  • fattie20xl:i'm a nice guy now.
  • fattie20xl:a real menche.
  • fattie20xl:mench?
  • fattie20xl:is that how it's spelled?
  • Ayish:no
  • Ayish:I don't think so
  • Ayish:but I know what you mean
  • fattie20xl:messing with you would be wrong.
  • fattie20xl:as wrong as using sarcasm on the internet.
“ fat chicks rock. because you can use thier belly buttons as cup holders.
— me, trying to cheer up a fat chick friend.