September 2011
1 post
Drinking
me: they don't serve beer at friendley's. It's a "family" resteraunt.
My sister: but... dads drink beer! And moms drink wine and whiskey!
Me: mom never drunk whiskey. she said it was déclassé.
My sister: she drank it when you were bad.
Me: no she didn't. She did drink when she was pregnant. With you.
My sister: you're a fucktard.
Me: you're a fucktard with fetal alcohol syndrome.
January 2011
5 posts
3 tags
“Rapists can be nice and fun sometimes! Rapists can be charming! Rapists don’t...”
– From my friend Leah’s site. I dunno… i know it’s supposed to be serious and moving, but i guess i’m a little fucked up in the head because i nearly shit myself to death laughing at this. does this make me a bad person? no.
the fact that rapists have friends and i...
3 tags
“ever have regrets? like that time that you gay-made-out with a coworker behind...”
– me. telling my friend why i’m not investing in apple.
3 tags
143
fattie20xl: Hi hi!!!
PrinceJoe777: ass...
fattie20xl: taxi
PrinceJoe777: cab
fattie20xl: balogna pony!
PrinceJoe777: sugar lips!
fattie20xl: My little dirty dumpling!
PrinceJoe777: My disease infested huny!
fattie20xl: My scab liped sugarcube!
PrinceJoe777: My ass-rammed-by-everyone-in-nyc, big hunk of shitty luvin!
fattie20xl: My dirty sundress-wearin cock goblin!
PrinceJoe777: My nasty monkey whore!
fattie20xl: My filthy budist's delight
PrinceJoe777: My Funky, spicey sushi!
fattie20xl: My salty Kebab!!
PrinceJoe777: Hairy squash!
fattie20xl: Butternuts!
PrinceJoe777: Cream-cheese tits!
fattie20xl: cottage cheese dick!
PrinceJoe777: Scallion ass!
fattie20xl: I love you....
PrinceJoe777: I hate u...
fattie20xl: That's a pitty. Ain't it?
PrinceJoe777: yea..
3 tags
Annoying
fattie20xl: j
fattie20xl: a
fattie20xl: m
fattie20xl: e
fattie20xl: s
James Phrase: m
James Phrase: e
fattie20xl: t
fattie20xl: h
fattie20xl: a
fattie20xl: t
fattie20xl:
fattie20xl: i
fattie20xl: s
fattie20xl:
fattie20xl: c
fattie20xl: o
fattie20xl: r
fattie20xl: r
fattie20xl: e
fattie20xl: c
fattie20xl: t
fattie20xl: !
fattie20xl: ok... enougth of that crap
fattie20xl: that's annoying.
James Phrase: good
James Phrase: more for you i guess
fattie20xl: yeah. it's hard to type like that.
fattie20xl: and the spaces? those are TIGHT difficult
James Phrase: i'm sure
December 2010
11 posts
4 tags
Behold!
fattie20xl: I love you?
fattie20xl: And I'm going to call you later.
Cananopie: YES YES YES!
fattie20xl: And make it an obscene phone call!
fattie20xl: I'm gonna call you and be NAKED!
fattie20xl: ANd then I'm going to ask you what you are wearing and then I'll make you take it off!
fattie20xl: ANd then you'll be gay!
Cananopie: Lucas. Lately you've had quite an obsession to make me gay
fattie20xl: That's because you are secretly gay.
fattie20xl: I just don't like people lying to themselves.
fattie20xl: I'm trying to help you to feel comfortable with yourself.
Cananopie: trust me. I like the pussy. Buttholes don't get so wet
fattie20xl: That's why god made figs and homos made KY.
fattie20xl: God wants you to be gay.
fattie20xl: It says so in the bible.
Cananopie: Lucas, side question, are you Jewish?
fattie20xl: Lo! And the lord, all wise and powerfull said unto the people: In the future there will be a man named Rob. He shall cal himslef CANANOPIE. He will be secretly gay for his ancestors are from Sodam. Be kind to him, for he is my favorite. Eat figs and drop trou!
fattie20xl: Yep.
Cananopie: Lucas. Where do you come up with this stuff?
fattie20xl: It's in the Dead Sea Scrolls!
fattie20xl: THat's why they don't want them out.
fattie20xl: God wants you to be gay, but the man dosn't like that.
fattie20xl: Because then we'll all have to eat figs and then drop trou for you.
Cananopie: whats trou?
fattie20xl: pants.
Cananopie: will the ladies have to too?
fattie20xl: It dosn't say. I'd assume not since it says that you're gay.
fattie20xl: Although you might get away with doing them in the butt.
Cananopie: What if I just don't care and decide that I want to be straight?
fattie20xl: You're gonna defy God?
Cananopie: sure
fattie20xl: She'll kick your ass into Hell!
Cananopie: No woman can tell me I'm gay!
Cananopie: We'll see how gay I am when I get her into bed!
fattie20xl: God'll put on the strapon and you'll LOVE it!
fattie20xl: L-O-V-E IT!
Cananopie: no.
fattie20xl: Can't help it.
3 tags
Are You Fat?
OS Crusader: My friend Fattie20xl said that you are dumb.
OS Crusader: He's usually pretty on about these things.
OS Crusader: He also said that you're fat.
OS Crusader: Are you fat?
lis01111984: NO
OS Crusader: Are you sure?
lis01111984: YES WHY
OS Crusader: Because Fattie20xl said that you are.
lis01111984: he doesnt know me first off
lis01111984: ur prob fat
OS Crusader: I am.
OS Crusader: And hairy.
lis01111984: lol fork
lis01111984: dork*
OS Crusader: You can't even insult me without thinking of food, heffer.
lis01111984: what?
lis01111984: first off have u seen a pic of me?
OS Crusader: No.
lis01111984: EXACTLY
lis01111984: SO IF U DONT KNOW SHUT THE FUCK UP
lis01111984: UR PROB FAT, UGLY, AND A LOSER
OS Crusader: But Fattie20xl is pretty sharp on picking these things up.
OS Crusader: He said that you're a fat kid, and that you lie.
lis01111984: lol
lis01111984: i'm fat?
lis01111984: and i lie?
lis01111984: ahuh
lis01111984: riighht
lis01111984: first off
lis01111984: lv, i never gave him my pic
lis01111984: BYE LOSER
OS Crusader: He also said that you're borderline retarded.
7 tags
Classy
Fattie20xl: anyway...
Fattie20xl: hot monkey love splurting in your mom's fruitcup.
Cananopie: Thats only because thats where you wanted it because you're gonna lick it out
Fattie20xl: yeah. otherwise the girls at the diner don't get tips
Fattie20xl: unless YOU wanna dooky on my "hungryman's breakfast"
Cananopie: That sounds incredibly filthy Lucas.
Fattie20xl: that's why i know you'll do it.
Fattie20xl: you're a pervey
Cananopie: I try
Fattie20xl: you more than try... you exemplify/
Fattie20xl: like when you eat funyons offa my throbing dong.
Fattie20xl: that's classier than your aunti wiping her mouth off on her sleave after the horse is done.
Cananopie: I can't compete in vulgarities with you
6 tags
Cocoa Puffs
JD m Nick10: turdball!
fattie20xl: Yoyoyo!
fattie20xl: I'm snugglin' TAR
JD m Nick10: i dont know what you are talking about!
fattie20xl: ip00pedmuhpantz
JD m Nick10: how magical!
fattie20xl: It was a surprise for me!
fattie20xl: I havn't dont that since I was a little bastard
JD m Nick10: do it right now!
fattie20xl: nnnnnnnggggggahhhhhh!!!!!!
fattie20xl: *poop*
JD m Nick10: haha
JD m Nick10: let it steam, my friend, let it steam.
fattie20xl: huh huh that one's not too special.
fattie20xl: It's like the size of a marbel.
JD m Nick10: not even a glass eye?
fattie20xl: Nope. Not even a shooter marbel.
fattie20xl: Just a plain old poop marbel.
JD m Nick10: kix cereal?
fattie20xl: More like Cocoa puffs....
4 tags
highlights
Ayish: Gah
Ayish: I'm SO BORED
Ayish: what are you doing?
fattie20xl: masturbating.
fattie20xl: accuaaly...
fattie20xl: i'm drinking beer and watching startrek.
Ayish: exciting
fattie20xl: eh.
fattie20xl: it's the highlight of my day.
fattie20xl: that and when i go to the dentist's office and steal "highlights" magazine.
fattie20xl: that's the literal highlight...
Ayish: hahahaha
2 tags
5 tags
Heartache
Fattie20xl: drgoody... can you cure my aching heart?
Drgoody: of course
Drgoody: is your heart aching
Fattie20xl: yeah. and i've got some tunnel vision and a pain down my left arm...
Fattie20xl: it's getting kinda hard to breath...
Drgoody: thats great i suggest a hospital
Fattie20xl: uh... no. i'm illegal.
Fattie20xl: i mean.. my existance.
Drgoody: what does that mean your a felon
Fattie20xl: i'm a citizen and all... but i'm also an arab.
Fattie20xl: yeah.
Drgoody: why are you instant messaging me
Fattie20xl: 'cause you're a doctor.
Fattie20xl: and i need some medical advice.
Drgoody: and how old are you
Fattie20xl: 24
Drgoody: man or woman
Fattie20xl: uhm....
Fattie20xl: man,
Fattie20xl: sorta
Drgoody: smd that means?
5 tags
Muffinman
Fattie20xl: c is for coffee is good enough for me...
Fattie20xl: coffee coffee coffee starts with c!
DigitalDude98: 3.+..
Fattie20xl: 3 + >
DigitalDude98: hi
Fattie20xl: ascii girl!
DigitalDude98: lol
Fattie20xl: do you know the muffin man?
DigitalDude98: the muffin man?
Fattie20xl: the muffin man.
Fattie20xl: Do you KNOW the muffin man?
DigitalDude98: thjat lives on drury lane?
Fattie20xl: That's the one!
Fattie20xl: He's a scumbag!
Fattie20xl: He put a used rubber in my MUFFIN!
DigitalDude98: lol
3 tags
4 tags
“I got my girl earing’s and a necklace for christmas. No way am I not...”
– Me, explaining Christmas to a fellow jewboy
4 tags
lemonaide
fattie20xl: softserve poopoos
BiLLie BaTTs: i like mine swirled with sprinkles
fattie20xl: i also made my own hot fudge for it
BiLLie BaTTs: i bet
BiLLie BaTTs: does it have corn in it
fattie20xl: no. crushed nuts
fattie20xl: and a cherry on top
BiLLie BaTTs: not bad
BiLLie BaTTs: yeah..what about your hot buttered nuts
fattie20xl: i save those for you.
BiLLie BaTTs: hope there nice and buttery
fattie20xl: i also have some bubblegum for you.... but somhow it got stuck
to my theigh
BiLLie BaTTs: yeah..its kind of hot out that happens on these sweaty
summer days
fattie20xl: that's why you ahould drink my homebrew lemonade
BiLLie BaTTs: is it tangy?
fattie20xl: it's a little on the sour side. but it's got a full body, good
head and a little fizz action
BiLLie BaTTs: as long as it goes down smooth
fattie20xl: it's made around the corner from my fudgeshop
BiLLie BaTTs: of course
June 2010
7 posts
5 tags
corn
fattie20xl: argh
fattie20xl: i don't remember eating corn...
Cananopie: hahaha
Cananopie: stop there
fattie20xl: why?
fattie20xl: is it hammer time?
Cananopie: because I know where this is going
fattie20xl: we all know where it's going.
fattie20xl: into the sewar.
Cananopie: exactly
fattie20xl: and that's where it belongs.
fattie20xl: not in jars in your basement.
fattie20xl: but still... where'd the corn come from?
Cananopie: I shoved it up there when you were asleep to confuse you
fattie20xl: damnit!
fattie20xl: now i've gotta use tricks like ducktaping my underwears to my ass.
Cananopie: that just might end up being more painful
fattie20xl: doh!
1 tag
“When is the only time you can spit in a Persian womans face?
When her mustache...”
–
2 tags
“do u ever wonder how u will die?
there is no way i will not end up being...”
– Champion Awkward
2 tags
3 tags
3 tags
“The main difference between the blues and emo is that old-timey negros had...”
– me, explaining why i erased all the “belle and sebastian” off this girl’s iTunes when i was fixing her computer.
5 tags
Cilantro
fattie20xl: you don't like cilantro?
Ayish: no
Ayish: I hate it
Ayish: I spit it out
fattie20xl: why?
fattie20xl: it's good in mexican food...
Ayish: no
Ayish: ruins it
fattie20xl: but... it's really yummy.
fattie20xl: like... like parsely only more ethnic.
Ayish: no
Ayish: it's really quite horrible
Ayish: I like Parsley, though
fattie20xl: that's wierd.
Ayish: hey, are you messing with me?
fattie20xl: why would i do that?
fattie20xl: i'm a nice guy now.
fattie20xl: a real menche.
fattie20xl: mench?
fattie20xl: is that how it's spelled?
Ayish: no
Ayish: I don't think so
Ayish: but I know what you mean
fattie20xl: messing with you would be wrong.
fattie20xl: as wrong as using sarcasm on the internet.
March 2010
5 posts
2 tags
“fat chicks rock. because you can use thier belly buttons as cup holders.”
– me, trying to cheer up a fat chick friend.
2 tags
cut the mullet →
3 tags
fat chicks & cheese burgers
fattie20xl: i need to take a dump on a fat chick's chest.
k1fatdan: You can do it, this is America!
k1fatdan: Infact, it would be un-American if you didn't do the poopoo there
fattie20xl: in america you can get a whore and fuck her all the dirty way for $10!
fattie20xl: pay in installments.
fattie20xl: run a line of credit with her pimp!
k1fatdan: Totally
k1fatdan: It is truely the american way
fattie20xl: in america i fuck cheezeburgers and eat fatchicks!
fattie20xl: while fucking fatchikcs and eating entirely different cheeseburgers.
fattie20xl: fatchicks and cheeseburgers are now interchangable!
3 tags
i got no play
fattie20xl: is it wrong to text a girl "yo bitch, when you gonna lemme tap that FAAAAT azz?!?!?"
opdkhavi: Not really
opdkhavi: If you're serious
opdkhavi: unless there's a restraining order
fattie20xl: ok. what's your number. i'mma text it to you!
opdkhavi: :P
fattie20xl: haah
opdkhavi: Let's just pretend you already did it and I thought it was funny.
fattie20xl: pretend is for little girls and mental patients!
opdkhavi: Wheee!
4 tags
February 2010
1 post
5 tags
January 2010
9 posts
3 tags
4 tags
'leet
Cananopie: those are just bottles truck drivers use for piss so they dont have to pull over
fattie20xl: even in my toilet tank?
Cananopie: truckers go in your toilet tank all the time
fattie20xl: but i lock the door and everything
Cananopie: truckers dont care
fattie20xl: i know.. there was a girl on maury the other day who's cootchie looked like a bucket of deep fried chicken skins 'cause truckers kept fucking her
fattie20xl: and she didn't care either
Cananopie: did they show close-ups?
fattie20xl: yeah.... but there were using an old camera. everything looked like a 1980's atari game
Cananopie: still good enough to jack off to
fattie20xl: i jack off to pixel porn
Cananopie: I jack off to ascii porn
fattie20xl: that's 'leet
3 tags
island
fattie20xl: i'm on a diet now
Coffeesheavenly: why ?
fattie20xl: it consisits of only the blackesst of coffees and the most bitter of sarcams
Coffeesheavenly: lol
Coffeesheavenly: lots of poop too
Coffeesheavenly: omg
fattie20xl: i spent 20 minuts on the can this morning.
fattie20xl: making an island
Coffeesheavenly: eww
Coffeesheavenly: lol
fattie20xl: all it needed was a palm tree and naked nativs
Coffeesheavenly: lmao
Coffeesheavenly: :-D
fattie20xl: i used a piece of brocolie that i pooped out for the tree...
fattie20xl: and some corn for rocks
fattie20xl: it was really quite lovely...
Coffeesheavenly: i'm going to vomit
Coffeesheavenly: damn !!!!!
Coffeesheavenly: you are crazy lol
Coffeesheavenly: :-P
fattie20xl: no... you can't make a vomit island....
fattie20xl: maybe a swamp....
Coffeesheavenly: i can
Coffeesheavenly: keep it up lol
Coffeesheavenly: :-P
3 tags
Watch… smurf porn.
the best is the circlejerk towards the end, before gargamel come in…
3 tags
Multi Tool
blend frappe egg-whisk
carpet cleaning attatchment
robot genitals
—A haiku from me to you….
3 tags
girls and robots
girls don’t like robots
and yet we keep them around
must be to clean up
—A Haiku from Me To You!
3 tags
toe licker
fattie20xl: Sup
ReaverofSouls20: whats up fattie
fattie20xl: Drinking COFFEEEEEEEEEE
ReaverofSouls20: http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/story?section=local&id=4857981
fattie20xl: Oh my stars and garters
fattie20xl: That is too fucking weird
ReaverofSouls20: isnt it?
fattie20xl: Dude... I'm gonna feature it on greasypants...
ReaverofSouls20: you should
fattie20xl: This is the story of the super force of space explorers.... speacially trained and sent by the alliance to bring back....
4 tags
croutons
sam rol ken: Would you eat a large bowl of shredded cheese, bacon bits, and croutons with salad dressing on it, hypothetically?
fattie20xl: .... what kind of dressing?
sam rol ken: of your choosing
fattie20xl: i've done that with blue cheese dressing.
fattie20xl: and natchos.
fattie20xl: not croutons.
sam rol ken: well I got a bag of doritos.
fattie20xl: yeah.
fattie20xl: that's ok.
fattie20xl: even fritos.
fattie20xl: or cheetos would work in that situation
fattie20xl: you're safe
3 tags
September 2009
2 posts
4 tags
GUNDAM + ANDREW W.K →
and for the good lord loved man, he stated “Let there be upon the 30th anniversary of Gundam, a recording artist of such high awesomity that he may record the songs of Gundam in such a powerful way as to rock off all of your socks.
Yes. That’s Gundam. And Andrew W.K….
Party. Like it’s UC0099.
6 tags
August 2009
1 post
4 tags
Fake Pimpin'
fattie20xl: guess what i found on the street today!!!
Cananopie: a bag filled with puke?
fattie20xl: no!!! this dude what was selling women folk!
Cananopie: a pimp?
fattie20xl: no!!! a regular guy...
fattie20xl: and he was selling WOMENZ!!
Cananopie: I think thats called a pimp
fattie20xl: but he had no hat
fattie20xl: or a chain
fattie20xl: or a pimpmobile
Cananopie: they're still called pimps I'm pretty sure if they're selling women
fattie20xl: oh.... so..... wait...
fattie20xl: when i put on my hat and chain and use my pimpstick.... i'm not realy pimpin?
fattie20xl: i'm fake pretend pimpin?
Cananopie: That'd be my guess, find a woman to sell\
fattie20xl: ..... my fat ho sister?
Cananopie: if she'll let you sell her
fattie20xl: i don't wanna be a pretend pimp
Cananopie: thats okay
fattie20xl: sukka
July 2009
2 posts
4 tags
long story short it's short story →
this dude’s more psychotic then me. i dunno if this is bad poetries or if he’s seriously in need of shock therepy. anyway, this is my new favorite poem
3 tags
June 2009
21 posts
2 tags
3 tags
pizza
Coffeesheavenly: are you diabetic?
Coffeesheavenly: they get thirsty alot
fattie20xl: i dunno.
fattie20xl: i don't think so...
fattie20xl: i just drink alot of water.
Coffeesheavenly: oh ok
fattie20xl: i find it keeps me energetic.
Coffeesheavenly: thats good
Coffeesheavenly: waters good for you
fattie20xl: and so is pizza.
fattie20xl: i wanna get me some pizza.
Coffeesheavenly: pizza?
Coffeesheavenly: what part is good for you?
fattie20xl: all of it.
fattie20xl: it is what i eat.
Coffeesheavenly: the grease, cheese, or dough ?
Coffeesheavenly: lol
Coffeesheavenly: actually , i think sauce could be good for you
Coffeesheavenly: like sauce comes from tomato
Coffeesheavenly: right?
Coffeesheavenly: cheese is calcium
Coffeesheavenly: XD
Coffeesheavenly: health food = pizza :-)
Coffeesheavenly: lol
fattie20xl: yeah.
4 tags
rusty tromboner
billiebatts: i really would like to try out a rusty trombone with you..don't tell anyone
fattie20xl: i'm gonna blog it.
billiebatts: motherfucka
billiebatts: i said it was between us
billiebatts: i just want to try it
fattie20xl: it
fattie20xl: is
fattie20xl: important!
billiebatts: i want my tongue in your hairy, stinky bunghole while i reach around and jerk you off
fattie20xl: i want that too! but i want to video tape it.
fattie20xl: and then comment mystery science theater 3000 style
billiebatts: fuck it
billiebatts: i just wanted a private moment with you
billiebatts: try to something out and now you have to make a whole event out of it
billiebatts: i wish i could quit you
fattie20xl: but... think of the ratings!
6 tags
Ass Smoothie →
this is the worst thing i’ve ever seen! i mean.. oh god. it’s just… no.
We search the globe for smoothie girls to stuff fruity goodness into their assholes so they’re filled up with essential vitamins, as required for a healthy immune system.
— *sigh*
3 tags
4 tags
