Greasypants.com

Drinking

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 16:40:08 -0400

me: they don't serve beer at friendley's. It's a "family" resteraunt.
My sister: but... dads drink beer! And moms drink wine and whiskey!
Me: mom never drunk whiskey. she said it was déclassé.
My sister: she drank it when you were bad.
Me: no she didn't. She did drink when she was pregnant. With you.
My sister: you're a fucktard.
Me: you're a fucktard with fetal alcohol syndrome.

"Rapists can be nice and fun sometimes! Rapists can be charming! Rapists don’t spend 100% of their..."

Mon, 10 Jan 2011 10:43:55 -0500

“Rapists can be nice and fun sometimes! Rapists can be charming! Rapists don’t spend 100% of their time raping, and when they’re not raping, it’s not in their best interest to wander around with a maniacal gleam in their eyes, cackling and proclaiming “I enjoy raping people” at the top of their lungs. Nope! Rapists can talk with you about football! Baseball! Movies! A rapist can share his or her opinion on The Social Network or Black Swan! Rapists can like Spider-Man OR not like Spider-Man! Or a rapist can have no opinion on Spider-Man, and the rapist can instead talk about music! Maybe the rapist likes the same music you do! This is how rapists, as previously mentioned, make friends!”

- From my friend Leah’s site. I dunno… i know it’s supposed to be serious and moving, but i guess i’m a little fucked up in the head because i nearly shit myself to death laughing at this. does this make me a bad person? no.

the fact that rapists have friends and i don’t makes me a bad person.

"ever have regrets? like that time that you gay-made-out with a coworker behind the dumpster at the..."

Tue, 04 Jan 2011 12:00:07 -0500

“

ever have regrets? like that time that you gay-made-out with a coworker behind the dumpster at the local dive bar? and then brought them home for some assplay and then before you go for it you remember the crave case you got from white castle but it’s too late and you’re two knuckles in and then your brand new couch is ruined. and those cries of protest from you and your buddy wake up your daughter ‘cause it’s your weekend but you forgot because of all the alcohol and meth you do to dull the pain from the divorce? and now she’s gonna tell your ex wife and you’re gonna have limited visitations etc.

i know people like that. that’s why i make good life choices.

”

- me. telling my friend why i’m not investing in apple.

Photo

Mon, 03 Jan 2011 12:01:07 -0500

143

Sun, 02 Jan 2011 12:01:07 -0500

fattie20xl:Hi hi!!!
PrinceJoe777:ass...
fattie20xl:taxi
PrinceJoe777:cab
fattie20xl:balogna pony!
PrinceJoe777:sugar lips!
fattie20xl:My little dirty dumpling!
PrinceJoe777:My disease infested huny!
fattie20xl:My scab liped sugarcube!
PrinceJoe777:My ass-rammed-by-everyone-in-nyc, big hunk of shitty luvin!
fattie20xl:My dirty sundress-wearin cock goblin!
PrinceJoe777:My nasty monkey whore!
fattie20xl:My filthy budist's delight
PrinceJoe777:My Funky, spicey sushi!
fattie20xl:My salty Kebab!!
PrinceJoe777:Hairy squash!
fattie20xl:Butternuts!
PrinceJoe777:Cream-cheese tits!
fattie20xl:cottage cheese dick!
PrinceJoe777:Scallion ass!
fattie20xl:I love you....
PrinceJoe777:I hate u...
fattie20xl:That's a pitty. Ain't it?
PrinceJoe777:yea..

Annoying

Sat, 01 Jan 2011 12:00:06 -0500

fattie20xl:j
fattie20xl:a
fattie20xl:m
fattie20xl:e
fattie20xl:s
James Phrase:m
James Phrase:e
fattie20xl:t
fattie20xl:h
fattie20xl:a
fattie20xl:t
fattie20xl:
fattie20xl:i
fattie20xl:s
fattie20xl:
fattie20xl:c
fattie20xl:o
fattie20xl:r
fattie20xl:r
fattie20xl:e
fattie20xl:c
fattie20xl:t
fattie20xl:!
fattie20xl:ok... enougth of that crap
fattie20xl:that's annoying.
James Phrase:good
James Phrase:more for you i guess
fattie20xl:yeah. it's hard to type like that.
fattie20xl:and the spaces? those are TIGHT difficult
James Phrase:i'm sure

Behold!

Fri, 31 Dec 2010 12:00:06 -0500

fattie20xl: I love you?
fattie20xl: And I'm going to call you later.
Cananopie: YES YES YES!
fattie20xl: And make it an obscene phone call!
fattie20xl: I'm gonna call you and be NAKED!
fattie20xl: ANd then I'm going to ask you what you are wearing and then I'll make you take it off!
fattie20xl: ANd then you'll be gay!
Cananopie: Lucas. Lately you've had quite an obsession to make me gay
fattie20xl: That's because you are secretly gay.
fattie20xl: I just don't like people lying to themselves.
fattie20xl: I'm trying to help you to feel comfortable with yourself.
Cananopie: trust me. I like the pussy. Buttholes don't get so wet
fattie20xl: That's why god made figs and homos made KY.
fattie20xl: God wants you to be gay.
fattie20xl: It says so in the bible.
Cananopie: Lucas, side question, are you Jewish?
fattie20xl: Lo! And the lord, all wise and powerfull said unto the people: In the future there will be a man named Rob. He shall cal himslef CANANOPIE. He will be secretly gay for his ancestors are from Sodam. Be kind to him, for he is my favorite. Eat figs and drop trou!
fattie20xl: Yep.
Cananopie: Lucas. Where do you come up with this stuff?
fattie20xl: It's in the Dead Sea Scrolls!
fattie20xl: THat's why they don't want them out.
fattie20xl: God wants you to be gay, but the man dosn't like that.
fattie20xl: Because then we'll all have to eat figs and then drop trou for you.
Cananopie: whats trou?
fattie20xl: pants.
Cananopie: will the ladies have to too?
fattie20xl: It dosn't say. I'd assume not since it says that you're gay.
fattie20xl: Although you might get away with doing them in the butt.
Cananopie: What if I just don't care and decide that I want to be straight?
fattie20xl: You're gonna defy God?
Cananopie: sure
fattie20xl: She'll kick your ass into Hell!
Cananopie: No woman can tell me I'm gay!
Cananopie: We'll see how gay I am when I get her into bed!
fattie20xl: God'll put on the strapon and you'll LOVE it!
fattie20xl: L-O-V-E IT!
Cananopie: no.
fattie20xl: Can't help it.

Are You Fat?

Thu, 30 Dec 2010 12:04:06 -0500

OS Crusader: My friend Fattie20xl said that you are dumb.
OS Crusader: He's usually pretty on about these things.
OS Crusader: He also said that you're fat.
OS Crusader: Are you fat?
lis01111984: NO
OS Crusader: Are you sure?
lis01111984: YES WHY
OS Crusader: Because Fattie20xl said that you are.
lis01111984: he doesnt know me first off
lis01111984: ur prob fat
OS Crusader: I am.
OS Crusader: And hairy.
lis01111984: lol fork
lis01111984: dork*
OS Crusader: You can't even insult me without thinking of food, heffer.
lis01111984: what?
lis01111984: first off have u seen a pic of me?
OS Crusader: No.
lis01111984: EXACTLY
lis01111984: SO IF U DONT KNOW SHUT THE FUCK UP
lis01111984: UR PROB FAT, UGLY, AND A LOSER
OS Crusader: But Fattie20xl is pretty sharp on picking these things up.
OS Crusader: He said that you're a fat kid, and that you lie.
lis01111984: lol
lis01111984: i'm fat?
lis01111984: and i lie?
lis01111984: ahuh
lis01111984: riighht
lis01111984: first off
lis01111984: lv, i never gave him my pic
lis01111984: BYE LOSER
OS Crusader: He also said that you're borderline retarded.

Classy

Wed, 29 Dec 2010 12:02:06 -0500

Fattie20xl: anyway...
Fattie20xl: hot monkey love splurting in your mom's fruitcup.
Cananopie: Thats only because thats where you wanted it because you're gonna lick it out
Fattie20xl: yeah. otherwise the girls at the diner don't get tips
Fattie20xl: unless YOU wanna dooky on my "hungryman's breakfast"
Cananopie: That sounds incredibly filthy Lucas.
Fattie20xl: that's why i know you'll do it.
Fattie20xl: you're a pervey
Cananopie: I try
Fattie20xl: you more than try... you exemplify/
Fattie20xl: like when you eat funyons offa my throbing dong.
Fattie20xl: that's classier than your aunti wiping her mouth off on her sleave after the horse is done.
Cananopie: I can't compete in vulgarities with you

Cocoa Puffs

Tue, 28 Dec 2010 12:02:07 -0500

JD m Nick10: turdball!
fattie20xl: Yoyoyo!
fattie20xl: I'm snugglin' TAR
JD m Nick10: i dont know what you are talking about!
fattie20xl: ip00pedmuhpantz
JD m Nick10: how magical!
fattie20xl: It was a surprise for me!
fattie20xl: I havn't dont that since I was a little bastard
JD m Nick10: do it right now!
fattie20xl: nnnnnnnggggggahhhhhh!!!!!!
fattie20xl: *poop*
JD m Nick10: haha
JD m Nick10: let it steam, my friend, let it steam.
fattie20xl: huh huh that one's not too special.
fattie20xl: It's like the size of a marbel.
JD m Nick10: not even a glass eye?
fattie20xl: Nope. Not even a shooter marbel.
fattie20xl: Just a plain old poop marbel.
JD m Nick10: kix cereal?
fattie20xl: More like Cocoa puffs....

highlights

Mon, 27 Dec 2010 12:02:07 -0500

Ayish: Gah
Ayish: I'm SO BORED
Ayish: what are you doing?
fattie20xl: masturbating.
fattie20xl: accuaaly...
fattie20xl: i'm drinking beer and watching startrek.
Ayish: exciting
fattie20xl: eh.
fattie20xl: it's the highlight of my day.
fattie20xl: that and when i go to the dentist's office and steal "highlights" magazine.
fattie20xl: that's the literal highlight...
Ayish: hahahaha

you… are a supertard. go fucking die.

Sun, 26 Dec 2010 12:05:07 -0500

you… are a supertard. go fucking die.

Heartache

Sat, 25 Dec 2010 12:01:06 -0500

Fattie20xl: drgoody... can you cure my aching heart?
Drgoody: of course
Drgoody: is your heart aching
Fattie20xl: yeah. and i've got some tunnel vision and a pain down my left arm...
Fattie20xl: it's getting kinda hard to breath...
Drgoody: thats great i suggest a hospital
Fattie20xl: uh... no. i'm illegal.
Fattie20xl: i mean.. my existance.
Drgoody: what does that mean your a felon
Fattie20xl: i'm a citizen and all... but i'm also an arab.
Fattie20xl: yeah.
Drgoody: why are you instant messaging me
Fattie20xl: 'cause you're a doctor.
Fattie20xl: and i need some medical advice.
Drgoody: and how old are you
Fattie20xl: 24
Drgoody: man or woman
Fattie20xl: uhm....
Fattie20xl: man,
Fattie20xl: sorta
Drgoody: smd that means?

Muffinman

Fri, 24 Dec 2010 12:01:06 -0500

Fattie20xl: c is for coffee is good enough for me...
Fattie20xl: coffee coffee coffee starts with c!
DigitalDude98: 3.+..
Fattie20xl: 3 + >
DigitalDude98: hi
Fattie20xl: ascii girl!
DigitalDude98: lol
Fattie20xl: do you know the muffin man?
DigitalDude98: the muffin man?
Fattie20xl: the muffin man.
Fattie20xl: Do you KNOW the muffin man?
DigitalDude98: thjat lives on drury lane?
Fattie20xl: That's the one!
Fattie20xl: He's a scumbag!
Fattie20xl: He put a used rubber in my MUFFIN!
DigitalDude98: lol

betty boop did ass to mouth. we all know it.

Thu, 23 Dec 2010 12:02:07 -0500

betty boop did ass to mouth. we all know it.

"I got my girl earing’s and a necklace for christmas. No way am I not getting it in. This is..."

Wed, 22 Dec 2010 12:13:53 -0500

“I got my girl earing’s and a necklace for christmas. No way am I not getting it in. This is th True Meaning of Christmas!”

- Me, explaining Christmas to a fellow jewboy

lemonaide

Wed, 22 Dec 2010 12:12:06 -0500

fattie20xl: softserve poopoos
BiLLie BaTTs: i like mine swirled with sprinkles
fattie20xl: i also made my own hot fudge for it
BiLLie BaTTs: i bet
BiLLie BaTTs: does it have corn in it
fattie20xl: no. crushed nuts
fattie20xl: and a cherry on top
BiLLie BaTTs: not bad
BiLLie BaTTs: yeah..what about your hot buttered nuts
fattie20xl: i save those for you.
BiLLie BaTTs: hope there nice and buttery
fattie20xl: i also have some bubblegum for you.... but somhow it got stuck
to my theigh
BiLLie BaTTs: yeah..its kind of hot out that happens on these sweaty
summer days
fattie20xl: that's why you ahould drink my homebrew lemonade
BiLLie BaTTs: is it tangy?
fattie20xl: it's a little on the sour side. but it's got a full body, good
head and a little fizz action
BiLLie BaTTs: as long as it goes down smooth
fattie20xl: it's made around the corner from my fudgeshop
BiLLie BaTTs: of course

corn

Tue, 15 Jun 2010 11:05:49 -0400

fattie20xl: argh
fattie20xl: i don't remember eating corn...
Cananopie: hahaha
Cananopie: stop there
fattie20xl: why?
fattie20xl: is it hammer time?
Cananopie: because I know where this is going
fattie20xl: we all know where it's going.
fattie20xl: into the sewar.
Cananopie: exactly
fattie20xl: and that's where it belongs.
fattie20xl: not in jars in your basement.
fattie20xl: but still... where'd the corn come from?
Cananopie: I shoved it up there when you were asleep to confuse you
fattie20xl: damnit!
fattie20xl: now i've gotta use tricks like ducktaping my underwears to my ass.
Cananopie: that just might end up being more painful
fattie20xl: doh!

"When is the only time you can spit in a Persian womans face? When her mustache is on fire!"

Sun, 13 Jun 2010 21:37:15 -0400

“

When is the only time you can spit in a Persian womans face?

When her mustache is on fire!

”

-

"do u ever wonder how u will die? there is no way i will not end up being murdered no way"

Sun, 13 Jun 2010 11:05:49 -0400

“

do u ever wonder how u will die?

there is no way i will not end up being murdered

way

”

- Champion Awkward